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Modest swimwear. 

Is there a more discussed topic in the way of dress in Christian circles?

I personally believe modesty is cultural (think about the head to toe attire of Islamic women in the Middle East, as versus nothing but a grass skirt warn by some tribes in Papua New Guinea). And even within a culture there are settings where some clothing is more appropriate than others. It's also unique to different body types. How this is played out is a personal and family decision. I'm not going to say one kind of swimsuit is bad, and "modest" women should always wear another kind. I'll leave the particulars of this up to the reader. But I hope my thoughts might influence you a bit when it comes to swimwear this season.

The biggest argument against immodest swimwear is always about guys: We don't want to make guys stumble or imagine sexual thoughts by wearing revealing clothing. We don't want men to look at us lustfully because then we've caused them to "have sex with us in their hearts." We have a responsibility to our brothers in Christ. Etcetera, etcetera, so on and so forth, guys, guys, guys, we make guys, our fault, yadi yada.

You see, there are a number of reasons this mindset is flawed. It's missing a huge element nobody talks about and focuses on only one (albeit important) aspect that is meaningless to many of the people they are trying to convince. I would argue that what men think, though important, is not the biggest issue when it comes to modesty, particularly modesty in swimwear.

First of all, I feel there is way too much pressure put on the girl. Listen to me; no matter how immodest a women might be dressed, it is always the guy's fault for thinking impure thoughts. Sure she might have made it easier, but nobody made him think this way. 

"For from within, out of a person's heart, come sexual immorality, 

theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, lustful desires, envy, 

slander, pride and foolishness." Mark 7:21-22.

"But each one is tempted when he is 

carried away and enticed by his own lust."  James 1:14

Emphasizing this too much as the women's fault creates a mentality that blames women for the sins of men. (Click here to read a good article that goes into this aspect more.)

Secondly, most women, especially young women and girls, even Christians, don't really care that the guys are thinking impure thoughts. They want them to notice them! I've certainly been guilty of this in the past. In a woman's mind all attention is good attention (in this kind if situation), and young girls especially don't understand what men can do with images of scantily clad women. So talking about "guys stumbling" is completely meaningless.

Don't get me wrong, I do think modesty is important for the sake of the men in our lives. And I think we can learn from these other writers who focus on this aspect. But because of the reasons I mentioned above, I don't feel this is the most relevant argument for modest swimwear. There is something equally as important that actually effects people on a greater level.

I feel the biggest issue has to do with other women and girls, and our own hearts. 

A women should not dress in revealing swimwear because:

1. It creates a contest mentality where everyone is judged by a skewed set of rules. 

The girls at the pool wearing the revealing bathing suits are those with unusually attractive bodies. They are super thin and firm, and have good skin. Is this the epitome of beauty?  It certainly is on TV and on the magazine covers lining the grocery store check-out isles. But I constantly hear from Christian and non-Chrsistian circles alike that they are trying to teach their daughters, their friends, themselves, that there is not only one standard of beauty, one that involves being very thin, having airbrushed skin and a perfect chest. 

Those who fall under these skewed "rules" of beauty don't see any problem with dressing in revealing swimwear. It's those who don't, or those who have the sweet 14 year old who isn't thin like her friends and doesn't have the best skin, that are fed up with this. Even the women who are secure in who they are and know their husbands find them attractive, cannot help thinking less of themselves after being around women and girls at the pool or beach in their tiny suits revealing flawless figures.

I have no doubt that girls with eating disorders and major body image issues are hugely influenced by their attractive peers in revealing clothing. In fact, studies show that girls are more influenced by their peers than the media when it comes to body image.

Reason one: Don't participate in this harmful contest with skewed rules.

2. It fosters a selfish mindset. Having fun at the pool is about how cute I look, not about relationships and interacting with others in meaningful ways. 

The primary thought on the minds of most women and girls at the pool in revealing swimsuits is how attractive they look. Their main thought is on their own bodies and how happy they are that they look so cute and can pull off the tiny suit, and loosing that last five pounds really made a difference, and man isn't all this attention so amazing! They are not thinking about the struggles their friends might be going through that week. They are not thinking about their friend who hates her body and dreams of plastic surgery and magic diets so she can look like her. They are completely self-focused.

Swimwear is so much a part of the pool/water scene that some girls would rather not swim at all, and sit on the edge of the pool in every-day clothes, than to wear the modest and unexciting suits their parents are making them wear. And those who are self-consious about their bodies certainly don't want to reveal dimpled thighs and a chubby stomach. Later in life many women just end up swimming in a plain one-piece with long shorts, finally learning that it's okay to swim even if you don't look as cute as you dream. But they are still thinking "I wish I looked like that."

Reason two: Dress modestly at the pool to focus on others, not yourself.

3. It alienates those who choose to dress modestly, or are required to by their parents.

I remember going to a pool when I was 19. I was wearing a tankini with matching boyshorts. It was a pretty cute suit and I'd just purchase it, so I know it was at least somewhat in style. I was the only person of probably over a hundred women and girls, who was not in a bikini. I felt like I was wearing a burka. It's not that I necessarily wanted to reveal more, I just wished I wasn't the only one in a modest suit! I am constantly frustrated that there is now only one kind of suit that is considered acceptable pool wear.

I think about middle and high school girls going to a pool together. I imagine the popular girls with their perfect bodies and tiny suits, laughing and having a blast, soaking up the attention from guys. And I know the chubby girl in her one-piece, or even the slender one in her cute tankini her parents made her wear, are not welcome in this club. Even if the popular girl is kind to these other girls, they can't be part of the "club" because they don't look like she does (this goes along with reason number one). And even if no one actually said anything about her suit, she might as well have jumped in the water wearing a dress, for how different she feels.

Reason three: Wear modest swimwear to not alienate everyone who's not in the skimpy bikini club.

Ladies, lets examine our hearts this 

season before we decide what we'll wear to the pool.

{Spreading the word at Modest Mondays and Titus 2 Tuesdays.}

Why is it that in our country today, it is not considered politically incorrect to have an abortion? To terminate a child's life at almost any stage of pregnancy?

Why is it that it is completely OK with the vast majority of Americans to control the size of one's family through various methods of birth-control?

Why is it that it is considered acceptable for a parent of 1, 2, 3, X amount of children to roll their eyes at how difficult their kids are and how they would "die" if they had another? Or for them to say "You're pregnant! I'm so glad it's not me." (Happened to me the other day.)

Yet somehow a family is criticized if they are doing nothing to prevent pregnancy and they are "letting God plan their family size."

A family who has 4 children (sometimes less) is often asked if they are "done."

A family with 6 or more children is critiqued by strangers as to the quality of care they can possibly give "so many children," and if they "know what causes that."

If it is OK for people to not want a ton of kids, and to prevent pregnancy, why can't those who WANT a bunch of kids be given the same acceptance?

I understand that families are different and kids are different and there are a lot of factors that contribute to how many children a family decides (or is able) to have. I do not feel there is one correct size for a family. I also have no personal convictions against preventing pregnancy through healthy and safe methods (of course I am against abortion). Yet if it is a matter of personal opinion to have 2 kids, can't we let it be a matter of personal opinion of someone wants 8? If it is a matter of personal opinion to prevent pregnancy, can't it be a matter of personal opinion to do nothing to prevent pregnancy?

Yes, many people will say that it is hard for a family of many kids to properly care for them all. Of course there will be some logistics to consider, but statistics do not really show that children of small families grow up healthier than children of large families. I've seen families who are doing a poor job raising 2 kids and families that are doing an excellent job raising 12 kids. If there is a problem with having a lot of kids, the problem has to do with the parenting, not the number of children.

It may be overwhelming for someone who feels they are only able to handle 3 kids to see a family with 8 kids. But the way to handle the situation is not to say "I could never do that!" or "you must be super woman!" or "I hope you are done!" Rather, it's to keep your opinions and fears to yourself and ask God to give you the grace to handle the 3 he has given you. Chances are the family of 8 is madly in love with each of their kids and conversation starters like those mentioned above will not reflect the love Jesus has for children, even though it is true that many kids can be overwhelming sometimes.

While we do not plan on having 12 children, what offends me about the negative attitude many people portray when it comes to having more children than they think is ideal (whether that be 3 kids or 7, or 10), is that, whether or not the parent or random stranger realizes it, it acts like children are mostly a burden. You think my kids are cute? Let me set you straight by telling you what a burden there are. You have many kids? Let's make some small talk about what a burden they are.

Let us remember that children are a blessing from the Lord. Whether you have 2, and that’s all your family is planning to have, or 10. Lets not say negative things in front of them and others that devalue what children are; precious gifts of God.

Matthew 18:10 "See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven."

Mark 10:14 "But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, 'Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.'"

Psalm 127:3-5 "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."

Here are some links to more good reading on this issue:

Motherhood Is a Calling (And Where Your Children Rank)

"Everywhere you go, people want to talk about your children. Why you shouldn’t have had them, how you could have prevented them, and why they would never do what you have done. They want to make sure you know that you won’t be smiling anymore when they are teenagers. All this at the grocery store, in line, while your children listen…. Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get. In fact, children rate below your desire to sit around and pick your toes, if that is what you want to do. Below everything. Children are the last thing you should ever spend your time doing."

Large Families Are Not Rare

"The other common theme is how much each of these adult children from large families has expressed how much they LOVED growing up surrounded by many siblings! Again and again they have each said how much fun it was, how close they are to their siblings, how they wouldn't trade it for anything. Yet, I cannot tell you the number of times I have heard negative comments that children in big families will HATE it because they didn't get enough one-on-one attention from their parents, that they had to help out too much, had to share a room, blah, blah, blah. Really? Ask the children in large families!"

Girl's Night at Starbucks

"Our children have always come right at the top of the priority list in our marriage. Our large family wasn't accidental. We wanted to surround our selves with children and in very short time we did."

Eleventy Billion Quips You’ll Hear About Your Large Family

"As we all joked about these and had a good laugh, I realized that most people (with the exception of some who are just all drama) say these things with all sincerity. They genuinely feel like these comments are wanted, appreciated or that it will spur on a fruitful discussion. I'm actually not sure why private issues like fertility have become such common place topics to bring up with strangers."

(And not all large families are Catholic!)

Something to think about…

Melodie

{This post is linked up at Modest Monday.}