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Unethical adoption has been a topic of many blog posts and news articles in recent days. I've started my own series to address some of these issues. This is a very serious topic and one that can be difficult to comprehend in light of God's sovereignty, that is, the good and the bad that he allows to happen. I hope I can shed some light on this.

I want to be clear that though I do have Bible training, I make no claims of being an expert on how God works and I am so far beyond understanding why God allows some things to happen. But I can share what God has said in His Word and some practical thoughts.

First of all, I want to clarify that unethical does not necessarily mean illegal. Illegal means it was against the law. Unethical means that it should not have happened for various moral reasons, which can include illegal adoptions. Of course no one wants to be involved in an illegal adoption, but I believe an illegal adoption of a child that was truly in need of adoption is better than a legal adoption of a child that never should have been adopted. (Updated: I am NOT saying illegal adoption is sometimes okay. It is never okay. I am only saying that if wrong has been committed, it is better to have happened in the legal system than to a child and his or her extended family.) I also understand there is a difference of opinion in some situations as to whether or not an adoption was unethical.

Secondly, I don't think the adoptive parents are to blame in the case of an unethical adoption. (Unless of course you pushed for something you shouldn't have, or moved forward when you clearly felt God wanting you to back out of the adoption).

I think it is really hard for prospective adoptive parents as a whole to understand the complexity of the issues and I feel most parents went in with pure intentions truly just trying to help. The entire system of international adoption is flawed and I feel certain players (sometimes the agencies, sometimes local staff, sometimes the government, usually a combination of all) let things go on that should never be happening. While prospective adoptive parents have created a demand, it has been unwittingly and in-country adoption workers should know better than to let this fuel the supply.

So how does the Bible shed light on this very complicated issue?

Throughout the Bible it is stated over and over that God is in control of every aspect of our lives.

Proverbs 19:21 reads, "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."

Yet in some strange, mysterious way, we humans also have free well.

Despite our free will, the Bible is very clear that if God had not wanted something to happen, if he had not allowed it to happen in his greater purpose, it wouldn't have happened. Though better choices could have been made, though sin still should not have been committed, the amazing mystery of God is that he uses it all for his glory.

This absolutely does not mean we should be sloppy in our adoptions or ministry, or any aspect of life, but it does mean we can trust God will use the mistakes that have already taken place.

I can't begin to understand all this, but this is one of my greatest comforts in life.

God always uses everything for His good.

Always.

He does it with our sin all the time. He does it with those who sin against us. He does it with natural disasters, health crises, tragedy, death. Is he not God enough to do this with your unethical adoption?

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is that of Joseph. His brothers sold him into slavery because they were so jealous of their father's special love for him. Then they lied to their father and claimed Joseph was killed by a wild animal. Later on, through the course of events, Joseph was raised from his position of slavery to be second in command in all of Egypt. When a great famine came to the land, God used Joseph's wisdom to devise a way to store up enough food so hundreds of thousands of people would be saved, including Joseph's very large extended family. 

Joseph says to his brothers, whom he is reunited with later in life, "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today." (Genesis 50:20) This is one of my favorite verses in the Bible is it so clearly shows God's  greater purpose in evil.

It is almost mind boggling to think of the logistics that took place to get Joseph from where he was living with his shepherding family to the palaces of Egypt. But God always has a plan. He's using everything from our naivete, to our mistakes, to our obedience to accomplish this plan.

In life there are so many times where we look back and say, "Had I known what I know now, I would have done things differently." It's just part of being human. This has been true for many as they think about international adoption and even look into the faces of the children they brought home. But you can't go back. Are you willing to trust God with the choices you've already made and say, "God, I don't know if I was right or wrong, but I trust that you will use this."

Are you willing to acknowledge the fact that God has a plan even for your failures?

Can you trust that your God is big enough to use even this for his glory? For your good? For the ultimate good of the child you adopted?

I choose to believe that the God who created this world and holds everything in his hands is God enough to use even unethical adoption for his glory.

Many of you reading this had perfectly legitimate adoptions of children in need. If in the past you've been content with the situation you adopted your child from, don't become riddled with guilt over the possibility that maybe it was unethical after all. That's not going to accomplish anything beneficial. 

Up next, some practical thoughts on what to do now if you think or know your adoption was unethical.

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Adoption is one of my favorite topics. I think one of the most beautiful things in this broken world is to see a hurting and needy child placed in a loving home. Adoption exemplifies the love God has for us as we reach out to children that are not biologically ours and make them family.

Adoption has touched my life in many ways. I worked in the adoption field for three years, I have a beautiful little brother who is adopted, and have many friends who have adopted. But I've learned that it's far more complicated than I once thought, international adoption especially.

In my series I'll be going over topics relating to ethical adoption, orphan care, and effective ministry overseas. Liberia will be my primary example because that is where I have experience. Some of my upcoming posts will be an overview of Liberia's adoption story, God's sovereignty in unethical adoption - something other authors seem to be overlooking, a realistic look at birth families and birth culture, how ongoing international adoption on a large scale can harm a culture, the problem with orphanages, and my most important post, how I believe the majority of needy children overseas should really be helped - it might not be what you think.

Posts in this series:

Is International Adoption All It's Cracked Up To Be? A series on ethical adoption and a better way to help needy children overseas. {Introductory post}

Open Letter to My Friends (and Other Adoptive Parents) on Ethical Adoption

The International Adoption Enigma; How Something Helpful Can Quickly Become Harmful

God's Sovereignty in Unethical Adoption

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Please see my introductory post on adoption ethics here: Is International Adoption All It's Cracked Up To Be? A series on ethical adoption and a better way to help needy children overseas, as well as the other posts in this series.

Alternate Title: Liberia's Adoption Story

When I was growing up in the Ivory Coast, West Africa, my siblings and I had many wild animals for pets. Hunters in the forest looking for wild game to feed their families would occasionally stumble across a nest with babies, or slow moving but small animals like chameleons, and to supplement their income would sell these animals as pets. We enjoyed rescuing these animals and, if they survived, would release them back into the wild when they were grown.

When I was 12-years-old the locals from our village realized we would give money for small animals. The easiest to find and catch were chameleons. Before we knew it our chameleon collection was more than we could properly care for. We ended up releasing most of them back into the wild and told the villagers that we did not want them to catch animals to bring to us, but just to let us know if there was an orphaned or starving animal in need. It never occurred to us that the very act of rescuing the animals could inadvertently create a demand for them, one that the village children were happy to fulfill, especially since it meant walking away with enough money for a meal or two.

Despite growing up surrounded by poverty in the West African countries of Liberia and the Ivory Coast, adoption was not something I was regularly exposed to. I only remember two stories of adoptions growing up, and both were local. One being when I was 11 years old and my missionary parents took in a starving Ivorian orphaned baby for foster care. They connected this child with a loving Ivorian family for an informal, though typical to Africa, adoption. While it was not unusual for children to be orphaned, there were cultural systems in place that provided for Ivorian orphans through extended family care, foster care, or unofficial adoption.

In the summer of 2005 during my college internship in Liberia, West Africa, I became involved with international adoption for the first time. Liberia was just coming out of a brutal 14-year civil war and the number of orphaned children far surpassed the cultural provisions typically in place for their care. I was volunteering at an orphanage when I had the opportunity to connect a very sick special needs orphan with a foster family and eventually an adoption agency, where she was adopted to a loving home in Canada. Post college 2006 brought me back to Liberia where I worked for an adoption agency for three years (not consecutive) at varying capacities, from Orphanage Supervisor to Interim Country Director, until the summer of 2010.

Though I began my work in adoption with a significant amount of cultural information, I was completely inexperienced in the field of adoptions. I was learning everything for the first time and was not always aware of causes for concern. Because I had seen the desperate need in many orphanages during my earlier days in Liberia, I assumed all the children in the adoption process were only there because it was their last hope for a normal life.

In the beginning of the Liberian international adoption movement most of the adoptions were of war orphans and starving children from abject poverty. But eventually all of these children who were eligible were adopted and gradually the face of adoption changed. With a structure and system already in place for international adoption, the void was easily filled with children who did have living parents or relatives, many of whom probably could have been helped by other forms of assistance, if it had been available.

Don't misunderstand me, there were definitely children still being adopted who truly needed it. And I don't believe just because a child has a living birth parent means they don't qualify for adoption. But as Liberia recovered from the war the number of orphans decreased significantly, while the number of adoptions increased. Adoption became the answer for many struggling families as it was what was available in their time of need. Some organizations were not sensitive to the various dynamics in these situations and encouraged adoption when they probably shouldn't have. And as can happen in any large business or ministry, malpractice was not foreign to the adoption scene, even by well-meaning individuals. I don't know that any baby buying ever took place, it certainly wasn't happening in my agency, but I do know some organizations did not always do things above board. Liberia was not ignorant of this and the legality of the adoption scene was often in question, as well as the legitimacy of adoption as a way of helping children in need who did have living biological family.

The concept of international adoption is foreign to the Liberian culture, as is true in other African countries, as well as Haiti. Some birth parents understood what adoption meant and never doubted their decision. They rejoiced that their child's every need would be provided for, knowing they were unprepared to raise the child themselves. But many thought international adoption was a sophisticated sponsorship or exchange student type program in which the families would have regular contact and eventually the child would return to Liberia. Some deeply regretted their decision for adoption and told me, "If I had understood adoption the way you are explaining it to me now, I never would have given the kids up." The staff I worked with always tried to explain adoption accurately to those potentially interested, but unfortunately not all of them understood.

A moratorium was eventually placed on international adoption in Liberia when the government felt there were too many unethical and illegal practices taking place. After birth parents realized adoption probably wasn't going to happen, about half of the children in our orphanage were removed and brought home. Later I reunited another quarter with biological family. A handful of the remaining children were adopted internationally when the government made exception for those who had completed adoption decrees. My greatest joy during this time was placing one of our (very few) actual orphans in a Liberian home when I was Interim Country Director and could make this decision. During this process I had multiple Liberians express interest in adopting as well. As I looked around I realized if Americans weren't adopting all the infants and small children, the Liberians not only were willing, but they wanted to.

I once thought international adoption played a very important role in helping Liberia's needy children. But by the time I left Liberia in 2010 I realized Liberia had recovered enough from the war to take care of the majority of their orphans themselves. Additionally, if it were to reopen I think a lot of harm could be caused. Orphanages that have been shut down, or whose numbers have greatly diminished, would instantly be filled with children. What children? Not orphans - children with parents! Children who'd been living with parents or biological family up until that point. The simple act of having an orphanage can inadvertently create "orphans", and it would be so sad if this were to happen in Liberia. Like I saw in the Ivory Coast when I was a child, stable countries have ways of providing for their own orphans and children in need, without turning to orphanages and international adoption as their first resort.

I do believe there's a way for international adoption to work for a small portion of Liberia's true orphans, primarily the special needs children. But the adoption agencies, and even prospective adoptive parents, would really have to change their way of thinking.

But just because the true orphans in Liberia might be taken care of does not mean other children and their parents in great need no longer need assistance. I'll be addressing this in a later post, where I'll go over how I think needy children should really be helped in Liberia and any part of the world. Surprisingly, it's not something I've seen many others involved in the discussion on unethical adoption address.

Other Posts on the Topic:

My Take on Ugandan Adoptions (The Ugandan version of my story.) 

The Dark Side of China's "Aging Out Orphan" Program (Unethical Adoptions in China) 

Ethical Adoption Info for the DRC

What is an Orphan? Is there an "Orphan Crisis"? (A look at the real needs of orphans and needy children and an Ethiopian version of my story.) 

Don't miss my post on God's sovereignty in unethical adoption. Do you wonder if your adoption may have been unethical? How is one supposed to handle this knowledge or uncertainty when what's done is done and your child is home? If you're involved in the discussion on unethical adoptions, you won't want to miss it. 

Some of you might be surprised that I started a series on ethical adoption. It might seem to you that I'm taking the side of those who are biased against the efforts of kind people, specifically Christians, to provide a home for needy orphans. Trust me, I am still passionate about helping needy children, but it needs to be done in the right way. (Which absolutely includes adoption sometimes.)

I know it may be hard for you to understand all I have seen and exactly where I am coming from. There has been so much heavy on my heart for the past years and I didn't make sense of it all myself until recently. I realize you may not agree with me on some of my points, and that's okay.  I will not be critical of you if we don't completely see eye to eye on this issue. But please ask me questions. I'll either answer you directly or address it in my series.

Many of you have already adopted internationally. Whether or not your adoptions were ethical is irrelevant to me at this point. We are friends and the children you have now are yours. What's done is done. And no matter what Kathryn Joyce or any one else says, I still think it was very noble for evangelicals to be so excited about adoption. While it's true that some of that passion should have been directed else-where (like towards missions, the care of widows, etc), I will never, ever be critical of someone who was passionate about helping children in need.

Those of you who are in the process of adopting internationally, I won't say that you should stop. But I do hope you will take extra efforts to ensure that your adoptions are ethical. I challenge you to not let your desire for a child blind you from taking the very necessary steps to ensuring your adoptions are ethical. Sometimes this may even mean walking away from a particular child you are already matched with. International adoption is far more complicated than I ever thought it was, but that does not mean it is always bad. I would also challenge you to consider possibly adopting domestically, or a child with special needs.

Thank you for your friendship over the years and for your heart for those in need. I only want to share the truth which God has convicted me, and not cause division.

In Christ,

Melodie

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"Once our eyes are opened,

we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God,

who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know,

and holds us responsible to act."

Proverbs 24:12

Adoption is one of my favorite topics. I think one of the most beautiful things in this broken world is to see a hurting and needy child placed in a loving home. Adoption exemplifies the love God has for us as we reach out to children that are not biologically ours and make them family.

Adoption has touched my life in many ways. I worked in the adoption field for three years, I have a beautiful little brother who is adopted, and have many friends who have adopted. But I've learned that it's far more complicated than I once thought, international adoption especially.

After working with adoptions in Liberia for three years I saw another side of the adoption world. Despite the best of intentions in many cases, there is a lot of harm taking place in the international realm, especially when large numbers of adoptions are occurring. In addition to things I saw in Liberia, I have heard stories from Haiti, Uganda, Ethiopia, the DRC, and even China. Irresponsible agency practices, children being adopted who do not qualify for adoption, no efforts at birth family preservation, and significant cultural ramifications are just a few of these things. Not to mention outright illegal practices and actual child trafficking, which thankfully I did not hear or see much of in Liberia.

There is a time and a place for international adoption. After a country experiences a huge crisis, like a war or epidemic, there are usually many orphans left behind. But eventually these children are all adopted, placed with extended family, or age out of adoption. In most countries there really isn't an on going "orphan crisis." So it is typically at this point that a lot of harm begins to take place. Because systems are already in place for adoptions, it is very easy for children who aren't really orphans to be funneled through the adoption process. (Although, there are continuously many special needs children worldwide that do need to be adopted and other case-by-case situations that are appropriate for international adoption). 

The topic of ethical adoption is far broader than making sure children are adopted legally and agencies act responsibly. International adoption on a large scale can actually be damaging to a culture. It affects the way a culture views their vulnerable children and impoverished families, how they view orphanages, and can even affect how people view responsible birth control and abstinence.

On the side of the adopting culture it can influence how one views their responsibility to certain biblical mandates, a church's mission's theology, and our view of impoverished societies different than ours.

Ethical adoption has been a topic of discussion for years, from the adoptive parent level all the way to UNICEF. Recently a great stir has been caused due to journalist Kathryn Joyce's provocatively titled book "The Child Catchers; Rescue, Trafficking and the New Gospel of Adoption."

Joyce spent a year actively researching the international adoption movement, specifically among evangelical Christians, and in her book reveals the negative side of adoption and supposed misguided motives of Christians in their mass efforts to help orphans overseas. She shares how international adoption is creating a supply and demand scenario as in places like Ethiopia children with parents are being trafficked so they can be adopted. All the while adoptive parents think they are saving desperate orphans from a miserable life in an orphanage.

Many Christians believe Joyce's work is a simple attack on conservatives for wanting to do something good. Joyce obviously has a bias against evangelicals, but that does not make much of the information she has uncovered inaccurate. I know this from experience.

Kathryn Joyce isn't the only one talking. I've since read many reports from adoptive parents sharing their experiences as well as former adoption coordinators. Some of the more well-known writers are missionary Tara Livesay in Haiti, and author and speaker Jen Hatmaker. I've also learned of several organizations overseas whose main focus is to ensure ethical adoptions and the reunification of children in orphanages with biological family.

I'll be honest and say I'm very nervous to start this series. I have a lot of wonderful friends who have adopted and I don't want people to feel I'm being critical of their adoptions. I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm anti-adoption, or against the movement of the evangelical church that was passionate about trying to help desperate children.

But life is a journey of learning. In the past I was involved in adoptions and I didn't see everything the way I see it now. Today, with my experiences I feel a responsibility to share my new perspective. My purpose is to encourage people towards ethical adoption as well as other ways to help needy children overseas, not to be critical of adoptions that have already taken place. I hope you will be patient with me as I try to explain my views, and give me the benefit of the doubt if I inadvertently sound overly negative.

In my series I'll be going over topics relating to ethical adoption, orphan care, and effective ministry overseas. Liberia will be my primary example because that is where I have experience. Some of my upcoming posts will be an overview of Liberia's adoption story, God's sovereignty in unethical adoption - something other authors seem to be overlooking, a realistic look at birth families and birth culture, how ongoing international adoption on a large scale can harm a culture, the problem with orphanages, and my most important post, how I believe the majority of needy children overseas should really be helped - it might not be what you think.

I know some will feel this series is going to discourage people from adopting overseas. I honestly do hope fewer people choose to adopt internationally and instead focus on the over a hundred thousand adoptable children in the United States foster system, become foster parents, or dedicate their time and energies to better ways of helping the millions of unadoptable needy children overseas without causing harm. Let us remember God is a God of truth and justice. He will not let desperate children fall through the cracks if we are honestly seeking to do what is right.


My posts in this series:

Open Letter to My Friends (and Other Adoptive Parents) on Ethical Adoption

The International Adoption Enigma: How something helpful can quickly become harmful. Alternate Title: Liberia's Adoption Story.

The International Adoption Enigma; How Something Helpful Can Quickly Become Harmful

God's Sovereignty in Unethical Adoption

{Disclaimer: It is not my intention to incriminate any organization or individual for their involvement in  a potentially unethical adoption process. I will not share specifics of any cases or names of organizations. This series is more about presenting facts on orphans and a better way to help non-orphans and their families overseas. You may disagree with my conclusions and that's okay. Please be respectful in your comments.}